Yapjaw: This Newsletter Can Be Used As A Flotation Device
Slackjaw readers and patrons of comedy, my name is Adam Dietz and I am the editor of Slackjaw’s thrice-monthly newsletter Yapjaw. Each month, I will showcase the best and brightest humor on Slackjaw in addition to some other cool stuff from equally cool spots. I’ve been told that if I do a good enough job on this newsletter that the other editors will get Jack Nicholson to come to my 33rd birthday party. And he’ll do ALL of my favorite Anger Management quotes.
On this week’s edition of Yapjaw, we’re talking love songs, french fries, and dad’s wearing cool clothes. Want the goods? Keep reading!
Slackjaw’s Best In Show:
Consumer Reports Puts Classic Love Songs to the Test by Jessica F. Lillian
The unbiased truth behind well-known but misleading claims about wild romantic expectations
I’m The Guy Who Stands Up As Soon As The Plane Lands, And You Slowpokes Better Be Ready To Move by Graeme Carey
My ass has been hovering a half-inch above my seat since we began our descent 20 minutes ago, and you better believe I’m gonna shoot up like a geyser as soon as the plane’s wheels kiss the tarmac.
Why Horses Are Filthy Little Animals by Emmy K.
In this informative article, I’m going to relay my knowledge on these disgusting animals so that society won’t continue to live in such murky ignorance.
Your Child’s Report Card Comments, Translated by George Dillard
It’s time you learned the truth about your child.
Great Work From Other Great Places:
Couple Finds McDonald’s Fries Hidden in Wall, Say They ‘Still Taste Delicious’ by Noah Lorey in The Haven
Signs You Work In The “Cool” Lab by Kevin Lutz in McSweeney’s
Famous Politicians as Pretentious Desserts by Dae Selcer in The Belladonna Comedy
New York Times Wedding Announcements For People Who Are Broke by Alexa Kocinski in McSweeney’s
From The Slackjaw Editors’ Desk:
Critics Respond To My Performance At Last Night’s Dinner Party by Adam Dietz in Slackjaw
I Shredded So Hard I Ripped Through The Fabric Of Spacetime by Molly Henderson in Slackjaw
Don’t Forget To Visit The Courthouse Gift Shop by Justin Gawel in Slackjaw
We’ve Heard You Have Too Many Meetings, So We’re Holding This Meeting To Tell You Why You’re Wrong by Alex Baia in Slackjaw
Reading Is Fundamental:
Slackjaw editor, and all-around kind soul, Sarah James wrote a dang book! Entitled “The Woman with Two Shadows,” this fascinating debut historical novel details one of the most closely held secrets of World War II and the woman caught up in it.
The book is available wherever books are sold and also here.
Editor’s Note:
Every couple of years by pure happenstance, sheer luck really, my dad will make his way out of the house in a truly bomb-ass outfit. It’s this kind of inadvertent and effortless cool that cannot be achieved by trying. I know this because I’ve seen him try with his pants, shirts, socks, and such and the results are sometimes troubling. But every so often, when the stars align and the wind is just right, he’ll throw open those closet doors, go deep in the dresser, and accidentally come out with something truly remarkable. Something that you can’t help but tip your hat to when you see it.
Last week, I caught the old-man doing yard work in an oversized Carolina Panthers crewneck sweatshirt (he lives in Michigan), black adidas shorts pulled up way too high, and a pair of my mother’s old Audrey Hepburn sunglasses covering his baby blues. He wasn’t wearing shoes because he sure as shit didn’t need to. His hair was unkempt because why shouldn’t it be? He was raking sticks into small piles in the front yard and standing over them while they burned. Did he have a burn permit? Nah. When you look like he did, you don’t fucking need one.
The Final Bell:
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Spread the word, comment below, tell your friends. Keep reading, writing, drinking, eating, and doing your thing.
Until the next edition of Yapjaw, take it easy.
